A Conventional Approach

Yesterday, we began a series on how to date with wisdom…and if you haven’t already figured it out, you’re going to need it in spades if you’re going survive the crazy dating world out there. And you’re going to need an unconventional approach because a conventional one doesn’t seem to have a great track record, if the statistics on relationship are any indication.

What do I mean by a conventional approach? Nothing about dating seems conventional if you’re a mid-lifer, either widowed or divorced. Gone are the days when men met women in high school, college or at a social gathering, asked the one out that he couldn’t get off his mind, went on a date and then asked her to marry him within a year or two.

Now, the most common way to “meet” someone is on-line, and when you actually meet in person, they look nothing like the ancient picture they posted on their profile.

Must Have’s and Can’t Stand’s

The popular dating site eHarmony suggests that you make a shopping list of your top 10 “must have’s” and “can’t stand’s,” so that when you’re on a date, you can fall back on your intellectual principles when your hormones tell you that the person across from you is the goddess of your dreams, even though she’s still technically married or dating a different person every night.

That’s a helpful exercise, certainly–and highly recommended–but finding a good match for the unique person that you are is going to take something beyond that. It’s just not that easy.

Conventional Questions

Then there’s the pesky questions of dating that may not sound the same or have the same answers that they did 30 years ago:

  • What does a good on-line profile look/sound like?
  • Should women ask men out?
  • Do you go together or meet there?
  • Do you go to dinner or just have coffee?
  • Who should pay on the first date?
  • How can I spot a player? (male or female)

No, dating just isn’t what it used to be, and trying to navigate these strange waters is going to require an unconventional approach, especially if you’re determined not to make the same mistakes you’ve made in the past, that contributed to the fact that you’re now single when you thought you’d still be married.

An Unconventional Approach

And just FYI, there’s no judgment here. I’m a divorcee who’s made plenty of mistakes, and who was determined to figure out what they were, how I made them, and how I could make better choices for myself so that I could be and find a suitable partner. I know how stressful that process is, and I’m glad to say that my dogged search for useful strategies paid off. I found an approach that took a lot of the stress and anxiety out of dating.

I look forward to passing along my approach to you. It’s unconventional, though, so you’ll have to really work at it, but it beats repeating the same old patterns and getting the same old results. Come back tomorrow, and we’ll get started on the particulars.

 

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